Confessions of an Extrovert

My sophomore year of college and again during my first semester of grad school, I was given the opportunity to take the Myers-Briggs personality test. I say "opportunity" because it's not something you can just find online and it's usually part of some team building activity in offices and HR interventions. Without going into too much detail, you answer a bunch of behavioral questions, it gives you four letters which are called your "personality"type, and then you read an accompanying page of info about the type that has some insight into your personality traits. Both times I took it, it has been spot on. But surprisingly enough, I changed in between the two tests. One thing that didn't change was that I was off the charts, as high as I could possibly be, an extrovert.

Contrary to social norms, extrovert doesn't necessarily mean I'm extremely outgoing (though that's true) and introvert doesn't mean you hide in a corner at parties (though that is sometimes also true). Nor are the words "extrovert" and "social" interchangeable. It just means I get my energy from being around other people whereas introverts get their energy from internal sources. I would rather go to a party and be constantly surrounding by others, introverts tend to have to work up to that point. The first time I took the test, my team of 15 was pretty split down the middle on who identified with each of these traits. The second time I took the test, the three people I worked closely with all identified as introverts. Did we get along? Absolutely. We just had different ways of handling situations and social settings.

There's a lot of things I LOVE about being an extrovert but often I'm questioned about why I do certain things and often I'm asked something along the lines of "what part about that is fun?" I don't feel like I need to justify my need for excessive use of social media or my need to be near other living, breathing, talking humans at all times but more like explain some of my favorite qualities that have the ability to drive some people nuts.

Things About My Personality That Are Directly Related To My Off-The-Charts Extrovert Reading

1. I will do what it takes to be around people. I have been known to neglect other "non-important" things if it means I'm hanging out with people I like. Some of these things may include: sleeping, eating, cleaning, gas, laundry, dishes, budgets, and anything else that can wait another day or be readjusted to fit an activity.
2. I will get upset if I miss a social event. I've driven over night, spent money I don't have, taken time off of work and crashed on friends' couches to make sure I'm there when something is going on. If for whatever reason, I can't be there, I cut my losses and hope whatever I've decided to do instead is equally as fun and that I take much better pictures than I would have at the other event.
3. I will make small talk with strangers. I can and will find something to talk to anyone about. And in all honesty, some of those conversations turn out to be some of my best stories.
4. I will check my phone every five minutes. It makes all my friends and most of my coworkers just thrilled to hang out or go to lunch with me. I know half of this is related to my Generation-Y characteristics and the fact that information is readily available, but I'm also blaming the fact that I have this subconscious need to be connected to everyone all the time.
5. I will Instagram, Tweet, and Facebook anything that's worthy of the thumb movement. The people in my life need to know what I'm doing it. That means using social media to its full potential.
6. I will always be a people pleaser. I'm at my best when I'm around people and I'm even better when all of those people are getting along and having a good time. To do that, I go out of my way to make everyone happy, even when they're not in my immediate calendar. Need a ride somewhere? I'm not busy. Want me to do a freelance project pro-bono? Sure! I could use the experience. Want me to get there an hour early and get everything set up? Yeah, no problem. I only need 4 hours of sleep, anyways. 
7. I will take time out of my day to have a conversation with a coworker. I will also add that I won't work at a job where I am completely autonomous and will take a walk to talk to someone rather than send an email. Not only do I personally enjoy it, but it makes the day go faster and builds relationships. Yay networking!
8. I will make phone calls on long road trips. Trips in the car are WAY too much time to myself. My head wanders, my thoughts go crazy, and a well-sculpted playlist is only good for about 2 hours. I will make phone calls and am grateful that my sister and a few random friends can usually be counted on for entertainment. Texting a driving is illegal, kids. Don't use that as a form of distraction while driving.
9. I will never know the meaning of excessive alone time. This is only half true. I do enjoy the occasional hour by myself but during that time, I'm well connected via my phone, TV and lap top. Rarely do I shut the world out and spend time with literally just myself...and my cute dog.
10. I will take my relationships very seriously. My relationships mean the world to me and sometimes, a little sacrifice on my end (if it means avoiding a fight or saving us both from a heated conversation) is well worth it. While this directly relates to the "people pleaser" thing, I do go out of my way to make sure my relationships are safe and for the most part, healthy. It takes me a lot less work emotionally to forgive and forget than it does for me to hold a grudge and drag something out. It takes a lot for me to actually phase someone out but catch me on a bad day and I'll probably just not talk to you for a while.

I know there's a lot of other elements to the Myers-Briggs personality types but in that 4 year gap of taking it two different times, my extrovert score didn't change. I was equally as extroverted as a First Year Graduate Assistant as I was as a Sophomore RA in Eagle Hall. When you take the test, you get matched up with a celebrity and my well-known person with a similar personality was...wait for it...Snoopy! That should come as no surprise to anyone who has been in my apartment or knows about my (not in the foreseeable) future tattoo plans. Snoopy and I have the same personality type and while I always loved him, this little revelation just sealed the deal.

To be honest, I'm not hiding behind the test to explain my social behavior nor am I completely discrediting the validity of being defined by a certain set of characteristics. But recently, since my life has belonged to everyone but me and I continue to move forward at a blistering speed, I felt it necessary to blame my extroverted-ness for something. I do embody almost all of the traits my one-page description outlined for me and while it just confirmed some things I already knew, it did give me some insight into how I deal with situations, conflicts and other people. If nothing else, it's an external look at how to maybe improve. For now, I'll just continue running around from event to event, planning activities with other people, and documenting it all on social media. 

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If you'd like to learn more about Myers-Briggs, you can click here. If you have never taken the test, I highly recommend you do if ever given the chance. If nothing else, you can learn what kinds of people to avoid.

A Good Place To Live

I don't know what I expected when I planned a weekend in Bristol but whatever those expectations were, they were more than met and it's a weekend I would repeat 10 times. It was definitely different than my typical "get crazy" weekend in Charlotte but I loved every minute of it.

I've known Jenna for 8 months if you don't count the 7 years I "knew" her when we were at JMU. Since we reunited, I've been talking about going to Bristol to watch her race. For about 8 years she's been driving every make and model of race car in this grass roots (as her dad put it) racing league. A lot of her races are near her home but she's traveled all over the place to race. To top it off, she works for NASCAR, is completely submerged in the auto racing industry and is constantly pointing out my lack of knowledge of the culture.

So Megan and I finally committed and made plans to go to Bristol for the weekend. We got up early Saturday to make the 3-hour trip stopping every hour for the bathroom and being utterly floored by our first stop. The bathroom had a sign in it that said "Please don't flush paper down the toilet." (Just let that sink in for a minute). Then we're pretty sure the two guys at the counter stole the debit card they were using, and the guy at the coffee counter walked out on his cup of decaf when the attendant told him she didn't have any sugar packets. (Really!? Not sure if I'm more shocked that he needs sugar that much or that the store didn't have any in stock). Meanwhile, in the parking lot, a woman had driven her tractor to the station to get gas. Seeing as there wasn't a house within a mile of the gas station, we're pretty sure she was going to have to use all of the gas she'd just bought to get home.

About halfway through our trip, Jenna texts us to ask what our plans are. Uhm, call us crazy but weren't we going to see her? Shouldn't she have a plan for us? She was headed to the track already and gave us a list of restaurants to try in downtown Bristol and told us to kill some time. So we embarked on a self-guided tour of Bristol complete with antiquing and a trip to the giant sign. For those who don't know, Bristol is on the state line between Tennessee and Virginia. On one side of the street, you're in Bristol, Tennessee and on the other side, you're in Bristol, Virginia. We got a kick out of being in two places at once and joining in on the town joke that the sign says it's a good (not great) place to live.

 Doing a little antiquing on the VA side!

A quick trip to Wal-Mart proved to be an adventure in itself. The shelves were lined with NASCAR gear and Duck Dynasty paraphernalia and we made out with some funky shirts and duct tape to make shirts for Jenna's race. We eventually made it to her house where we met up with her mom. At this point, we'd been in Bristol for 4 hours, toured downtown, gone to Wal-Mart, met her mom, saw her childhood bedroom and still hadn't actually seen Jenna. She called to check-in and make sure we got there okay and said she'd see us at the race.

We hopped in the car to make the hour-long trek to the race track. The way Jenna talks about her mom, I feel like I've known her forever. It turns out Jenna tells her mom and us all the same things so we were able to bond over those stories on the trip. As we drove through, her mom told us stories about how they used to live at the track and how one adventure to a drive-in took an unexpected turn. It was an easy conversation which helped considering there were only miles and miles of trees and mountains to look at (not complaining, it was gorgeous).

We made it to the track watched Jenna qualify and she came up to say hi (first Jenna sighting since we arrived). Much like minor league baseball, grass roots racing has a lot of bells and whistles that accompany the races: introductions, talking to the racers, and a few games to make it a little interesting. We watched a few of the other classes of race cars and Jenna completed her first race.

The track :)

As the sun started going down, things started getting interesting. I grew up close to the country so I'm not unfamiliar with country folk. Southwest Virginians, however, need their own introduction. Jenna has somewhat of a southern accent but I was more or less floored by some of the accents during the interviews they conducted. There were families and firends sitting in groups cheering for certain drivers and getting feisty during cautions and accidents. At one point, I thought there was going to be an all out family vs. family brawl after one driver spun out another. There was a mom cheering on her son so vigorously that she had to take puffs off of her inhaler in between laps just to keep it up and one driver had cut off his racing suit and his black and red heart boxers were showing out of the bottom. At the end of the night, we sliced up a watermelon right in the infield and had a little "treat" as they put it.

We headed back to the house where Jenna's mom laid out a full-blown spread of meats, cheeses, chicken salad, pasta salad and chips that would have been fit for any family BBQ. Jenna showed up about an hour later and we were able to hang out before we ALL passed out after the excitement from the day. They took us to lunch Sunday where I was blessed with soft pretzels and a beer cheese dip that is worth the trip back in itself.

I feel like you learn a lot about someone when you visit their hometown and while I knew a lot about Jenna going into it, nothing could have prepared me for the excitement at the track. The contrast between Jenna and her relaxed parents and the families coming out in broods of 10+ was startling. They take this racing very seriously and had there been no cars actually driving around the track, it would have been equally as entertaining. I'm sure they would come to my hometown and judge every thing about it so I don't feel the least bit guilty pointing this out. Different strokes for different folks and all.

I'm not a newcomer to auto racing having seen a ton of races in Richmond growing up but I recently rekindled my love for the sport when NASCAR was here in Charlotte a few weeks ago. I don't know where Saturday night short track racing has been all my life but it will definitely be a permanent fixture from here on out. I already made plans with my dad to go to Winston-Salem and he's taking me to Richmond on my next trip home.

 The Bristol sign lit up at night :)

If nothing else, I had a relaxing, entertaining, and enlightening weekend. I got to hang out with some pretty awesome people and witness Jenna in her natural habitat. Should we make another trip to Bristol (and we will), I challenge it to be half as exciting as it was this time. Who knows, maybe I'll learn what it really means to be an "Appalachian American."

Middle Child Syndrome

It's a real thing.

My "diagnosis" with the "disease" has always been more of a joke. I'm the middle of three girls: 7 years younger than my older sister and 18 months older than the baby. We had a jokes growing up about it; random "pick on Christy" marathons where they ganged up on me and pointed out every little thing I said. We're all a lot alike but also very different so we all found our own hobbies, our own niches, and our own groove. It wasn't until a recent conversation with a friend about my so called "disease" that I decided to look into it a little more.

So, being the researcher that I am, I googled it. And came across an entire community of research, blogs, family planners and message boards, all about middle child syndrome. So yes, it is a real thing, and yes, I do have it. And yes, this discovery has been the highlight of my week. I know things like this (horoscopes, abstract concepts, etc.) tend to be vague so people can draw their own conclusions about their own lives. And naturally, I found research that I agreed with and some I didn't.

Seeing as this is a happy discovery, I'm gonna focus on the positive first. I learned in this research that middle children learn early on to speak up and stand out to get the attention they're often denied. They tend to be more flexible and aren't often thrown off when things don't go their way. They thrive in spontaneous situations and find planning and organizing somewhat of a burden. They build strong relationships and hold them closely. They have a hard time making decisions and when they do, the decisions are usually rash and not well thought out. But when they do make these bad decisions, they are great at the aftermath and can usually handle it quickly and painlessly. I think it's safe to say that I exhibit most if not all of these behaviors.

There's definitely some negative connotations to this syndrome and probably explains why we all get such a bad name. A lot of research says we're co-dependent and have low-self esteem because we didn't get a lot of attention growing up. It also says middle children are constantly seeking their parents approval and looking for attention whether that be in a negative or positive way. This low-self esteem and feeling of inadequacy can often keep them from pursuing what they want. Clearly, none of these things apply to me. However, if I have an identity crisis at some point in my life (which happens often) we know it's a direct result of my being the second child.

One of the bigger pieces and something I saw frequently was that middle children are often defined by their older sibling and overshadowed by the younger sibling. The older sibling gets to do everything first. And the younger sibling is, well, the baby. And while I spent a lot of my childhood as "Betsy's sister" I don't ever feel like I was forced to be defined by her. In fact, I wanted to be just like her. And there's some things about her I still wish I could steal. On the other end, my little sister and me are so close in age that we shared almost everything. We got phones at the same time, had the same rules and curfews, sometimes even had matching outfits, and now we share a pretty diverse circle of friends.

I made a joke the other day about how I've embraced my middle child syndrome, but I'm starting to believe that holds a little more truth that I initially intended. Some of the middle child qualities I identify with have landed me in a new state with new friends and a plethora of new experiences that make me step outside my box. My older sister got to have the first kid and my little sister is having a big, fancy wedding, so there's no pressure on me for grandchildren or to settle down too quick. I get to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on because I've had so much experience making similar mistakes when I was growing up and no one is really paying attention to me (sidenote: this is joke. My parents love us all equally). I'm not saying that I'm stomping on the floor throwing a tantrum because no one is paying attention to me, but I do recognize that I'm a little different than the two of them and have quite a few qualities that make me question how the three of us ever survived 18 years in the same house.

Don't get me wrong, I love being in the middle. I get to be both a big sister and a little sister at the same time. I get to learn from my older sister's mistakes and try not to make mistakes that affect the younger one. I honestly don't think my parents "ignored" me and I don't think they played favorites, (like so many middle children claim) but I am grateful that I had a little room to stretch my wings and no one has faulted me for the quirky, creative, sometimes reckless behavior that I exhibit everyday. Whether that behavior is a direct result of me identifying as a middle child or not, it's safe to say that being stuck in the middle has had some kind of impact on my personality. And if I have to live in the shadow of an older sibling and fight for attention with the other, I couldn't think of two other people who know exactly how and when to put me in my place: right smack dab in the middle. Afterall, isn't the middle section the best part of an oreo?

Three Sixty Five

I'll admit, I was going to save this post for the one year anniversary of my move to Charlotte but I thought the month between graduation and that move deserved some of the credit. Plus, all the hype and Facebook-focus on everyone graduating at JMU this weekend and it just felt timely. May 4th (Saturday) was the one year anniversary of the day I graduated and it has been a whirlwind of a time since then. Three hundred sixty five days later and I'm concerned how the next year is ever going to top this past one.

In the past year, I traveled to Europe and traipsed across Ireland and London for two weeks. I said good-bye to six years of experiences in Harrisonburg and moved to Charlotte. I started a job at a fortune 50 company doing something I have NEVER done before. I've been to concerts, sporting events, weekend-long adventures, and added to my ever-expanding friend network. And three of my best friends and one sister got engaged and a handful of others got married. It's been nothing short of a roller coaster to say the least.

While there's been a lot of ups, there's been a handful of downs. I'm making more money than I ever have before but my lifestyle changed accordingly so I'm not living large like I planned. Some of my most valued relationships have been tested. And after a year of doing a job that I love, I still have no idea where I want to be 5 years from now. Regardless of these little hiccups, I don't pretend to be the same person I was a year ago and have both the good and the bad to thank for it.

The pros definitely outweigh the cons and I have zero regrets about this past year. I'm so looking forward to the next 365 days. There's quite a few weddings, a boat, and some trips I'm looking forward to and oh-so-many things in Charlotte I have yet to try. Past that, I'm not sure what to expect. But then again, I wasn't really quite sure what to expect when I moved down here to begin with.

I know I'm ready for a new adventure and I'm ready to test a few theories. I'm ready to capitalize on the opportunities I've been putting on hold and I'm more than ready to move forward...whatever that may mean or take to happen. So, here's to another successful and challenging 365 days of awesome people, awesome experiences in the awesome city I've come to love.

Night on the Townie

I’ve already written about how much I love the Town of Davidson (circa Christmas). However, it consistently manages to fascinate me with its small town charm and hole-in-the wall finds. The kind of places you only find because you accidentally stumble across them or because someone, somewhere has mentioned it. Fortunately, last weekend, we had our own personal tour guide.

Right off of Main Street on the corner is a little coffee shop called Summit. It tends to be more of a “summer” hangout for my coworkers because of its spacious outdoor patio that doesn’t bode well in colder weather. It has a wide selection of IPAs and insanely good cookies made in the home of one of my coworker’s friends. It only has about 10 tables inside and the upstairs has a random collection of broken-in couches and overstuffed armchairs. It has that hole-in-the-wall feel I love about Davidson with a little outdoor ambiance and the occasional live band.

Summit on Fridays usually means a few beers on the patio and maybe splitting a bottle of wine. Since cookies don’t qualify as a meal, around 5:30 we start talking about food and/or making plans to go home and get food on our own. Me, my three coworkers, and one significant other decided on a little Italian place called “Meatballs on Main” that no one other than the one townie had ever heard of.

Meatballs on Main was located about a mile down the road in an old house. While it’s not that far off for businesses and restaurants to be built into houses, this one still had every wall and room intact. Minus the granite bar in the front room and the mismatched tables, you’d never think it was a fully operating restaurant.  It had cute, decorative hanging light fixtures and a stairwell that ran right in the middle of the main hallways. The menu had a make-your-own pasta option and five different kinds of grilled cheese. Top it off with baked mac and cheese and it’s pretty much all my favorite foods in one place.

 Wall decor inside of Meatballs on Main

After dinner, we headed down the block a ways to Carolina Cone, a small ice cream shop that served 40 flavors of Hershey’s ice cream and had every type Mylar balloon you could possible imagine. In a way, it reminded me of an old school soda shop. It had a merry go round and playground outside, old yellow booths and gumball machines inside, and all different kinds of balloons taped to the ceiling for display. Not to be overlooked were the 30 different colors of regular latex balloons where one of my coworkers negotiated a deal and plans to bring 100 strategically-picked balloons into work. The only problem: how exactly is he (are we) going to get them there?

 

Old School Gumball Machines!

 

Ceiling decorated with hundreds of balloons.

In a span of about 5 hours, I swam in the charm that I love so much about Davidson thanks to a group of coworkers I enjoy just as much in the office as I do outside of it. And, with the help of our own personal townie tour guide, we got to experience three little gems that I probably otherwise wouldn’t have ever stopped at. I realize Charlotte is a huge place and I have SO much left to try, but coming up on a year of living here and I’m still blown away by all the little secrets this place has to share.

Here’s to another adventure in Davidson and another blog post inspired by a night out with people that can turn any shitty week completely on its head.

A Not-So-New-Year Resolution

It’s been a long time since I wrote which is both a good and a bad thing. Thanks to the holidays and some crazy, elusive illness my entire family had, I haven’t been really motivated to do anything after work. My evenings consisted mostly of finding something for dinner and distracting myself with computer games and ABC Family movie marathons until I got enough energy to move from the couch to the bed.

Thankfully, four weeks later, I’m finally feeling better and feeling the pressure from the creative side of my brain. This hiatus from blogging was also a good thing because I wasn’t looking at every situation as a “blog experience” and could, for a while, live in the moment. Now if only I could find a way to separate myself from tweeting and Facebooking every memorable quote of my evenings.

It being the New Year, it only makes sense to do a resolution post. I’m only 28 days late and when I think about it, it’s actually better because I’ve had 28 days to reevaluate the alcohol-influenced resolutions of New Year’s Eve and throw out the unrealistic and boring ones that are either unattainable or just ridiculous. The resolution theme this year: long-term goals. In other words, my goal was to think of resolutions that would stick and be a lifestyle change I could make a regular part of my life.

Resolution #1: Good deeds. The first one is recycled from last year and one I stole from my aunt. The idea is to do something nice or some type of good gesture every day. Whether it’s holding the door, picking up a piece of trash, letting someone over on the highway, etc. It’s not difficult, or hard to adapt into an everyday lifestyle change but something that could in the long run make just a little bit of a difference.

Resolution #2: Healthier Lifestyle. I don’t want this to be like everyone else’s resolution. (“I’m gonna lose ______ pounds.”) My goal is for it to encompass a lot more than just eating better, but adapting a whole new healthier lifestyle in general. This includes but is certainly not limited to, spending more time outside, drinking water instead of soda, spending more time around kids, getting more sleep, and just all around making better decisions that affect my physical or emotional well being. Probably going to approach this one with the “baby steps” philosophy and ease into adding all of the good stuff back into my life.

Resolution #3: Be more aware of my surroundings. I don’t like to admit it, but sometimes I feel like I live in a bubble. I’m blissfully unaware of what is going on around me. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s not so great. Fortunately, I haven’t been in a situation where this minor flaw has led to detrimental consequences, but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen very soon. I want this to include both my immediate vicinity (friends, coworkers, etc) but also bigger things (politics, weather, world events). It never hurt anyone to be a little more aware of what is going on in the world.

Resolution #4: Plan Better. I hate planning. It does not agree with my personality type, it stresses me out, and I thrive on spontaneity and spur of the moment decisions. I plan when I have to, like when it comes to paying bills or planning trips home, but I try to avoid it as much as possible in my every day activities. I know that if anything big happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I don’t like to think so negatively but I feel there comes a point in adulthood when you have to start planning past Saturday night. It’s no secret that I’m openly against growing up but I feel like this little goal will get me in the right direction.

Whelp, that’s it. I think four long-term goals is enough to get me moving through 2013, even 28 days late. Tomorrow is 8 months since I moved to Charlotte and I had a moment of realization this past week of how much my life has changed from the day I moved down here. If 2013 is half as awesome as 2012 then I have nothing to worry about, other than sticking to my resolutions.

So here’s to a new year and new goals to come with it. Here’s to another 8 months in Charlotte, all the weddings coming up, my line-up of concerts and adventures, and all the crazy people to do all of it with me.