Middle Child Syndrome

It's a real thing.

My "diagnosis" with the "disease" has always been more of a joke. I'm the middle of three girls: 7 years younger than my older sister and 18 months older than the baby. We had a jokes growing up about it; random "pick on Christy" marathons where they ganged up on me and pointed out every little thing I said. We're all a lot alike but also very different so we all found our own hobbies, our own niches, and our own groove. It wasn't until a recent conversation with a friend about my so called "disease" that I decided to look into it a little more.

So, being the researcher that I am, I googled it. And came across an entire community of research, blogs, family planners and message boards, all about middle child syndrome. So yes, it is a real thing, and yes, I do have it. And yes, this discovery has been the highlight of my week. I know things like this (horoscopes, abstract concepts, etc.) tend to be vague so people can draw their own conclusions about their own lives. And naturally, I found research that I agreed with and some I didn't.

Seeing as this is a happy discovery, I'm gonna focus on the positive first. I learned in this research that middle children learn early on to speak up and stand out to get the attention they're often denied. They tend to be more flexible and aren't often thrown off when things don't go their way. They thrive in spontaneous situations and find planning and organizing somewhat of a burden. They build strong relationships and hold them closely. They have a hard time making decisions and when they do, the decisions are usually rash and not well thought out. But when they do make these bad decisions, they are great at the aftermath and can usually handle it quickly and painlessly. I think it's safe to say that I exhibit most if not all of these behaviors.

There's definitely some negative connotations to this syndrome and probably explains why we all get such a bad name. A lot of research says we're co-dependent and have low-self esteem because we didn't get a lot of attention growing up. It also says middle children are constantly seeking their parents approval and looking for attention whether that be in a negative or positive way. This low-self esteem and feeling of inadequacy can often keep them from pursuing what they want. Clearly, none of these things apply to me. However, if I have an identity crisis at some point in my life (which happens often) we know it's a direct result of my being the second child.

One of the bigger pieces and something I saw frequently was that middle children are often defined by their older sibling and overshadowed by the younger sibling. The older sibling gets to do everything first. And the younger sibling is, well, the baby. And while I spent a lot of my childhood as "Betsy's sister" I don't ever feel like I was forced to be defined by her. In fact, I wanted to be just like her. And there's some things about her I still wish I could steal. On the other end, my little sister and me are so close in age that we shared almost everything. We got phones at the same time, had the same rules and curfews, sometimes even had matching outfits, and now we share a pretty diverse circle of friends.

I made a joke the other day about how I've embraced my middle child syndrome, but I'm starting to believe that holds a little more truth that I initially intended. Some of the middle child qualities I identify with have landed me in a new state with new friends and a plethora of new experiences that make me step outside my box. My older sister got to have the first kid and my little sister is having a big, fancy wedding, so there's no pressure on me for grandchildren or to settle down too quick. I get to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on because I've had so much experience making similar mistakes when I was growing up and no one is really paying attention to me (sidenote: this is joke. My parents love us all equally). I'm not saying that I'm stomping on the floor throwing a tantrum because no one is paying attention to me, but I do recognize that I'm a little different than the two of them and have quite a few qualities that make me question how the three of us ever survived 18 years in the same house.

Don't get me wrong, I love being in the middle. I get to be both a big sister and a little sister at the same time. I get to learn from my older sister's mistakes and try not to make mistakes that affect the younger one. I honestly don't think my parents "ignored" me and I don't think they played favorites, (like so many middle children claim) but I am grateful that I had a little room to stretch my wings and no one has faulted me for the quirky, creative, sometimes reckless behavior that I exhibit everyday. Whether that behavior is a direct result of me identifying as a middle child or not, it's safe to say that being stuck in the middle has had some kind of impact on my personality. And if I have to live in the shadow of an older sibling and fight for attention with the other, I couldn't think of two other people who know exactly how and when to put me in my place: right smack dab in the middle. Afterall, isn't the middle section the best part of an oreo?