It's not really wedding season, per say, but dear God is it close. I can feel it. The Save-the-Dates are slowly trickling in. My debit card has retreated into its slot in my wallet; waiting and praying that there isn't a hotel to book, a dress to try on, or a gift to buy. I'm subconsciously looking for multi-event dresses - the ones that can be worn to a wedding and a bridal shower and then that other wedding two months later. (Change the shoes, change the accessories, add a sweater, BOOM. Whole new outfit.)
Now, before I continue I must add this tiny little disclaimer: this is not about the brides that have asked me to be in their weddings past, present, or future. I wouldn't trade standing next to any of you on your special day for anything. No, this is more of a rant. A rant about the things that a bridesmaid encounters during wedding season and not the friends and sisters that have shed their calm demeanor and witty personalities in the name of holy wedded bliss. This is intended to be funny, an exaggerated account of isolated instances in my perpetual, involuntary second career as a bridesmaid/wedding-goer.
I don't think I have the experience of Kathryn Heigel in "27 Dresses" but the 23 weddings I've been to and the 7 I've been in give me somewhat of a license to whine about it a little bit. I feel like the following list is a pretty standard chain of events for a bridesmaid, though I'm sure some would protest. Some of it is a blast and when well organized, turns out to be quite the event. Other things make me live tweet like my life depends on it because I can't deprive the world of this special kind of crazy.
Dress Shopping
Dress shopping comes in two forms: wedding dress shopping and bridesmaid dress shopping. Fortunately, the wedding dress shopping is often (not always) an event for the bride, her mother, her sister(s), the soon-to-be mother-in-law, and maybe a grandmother or two. Bridesmaids go, of course, but they don't usually have to and fortunately, I haven't been to many of these. Weddings are all about color coordination and any prepared bride knows that the easiest place to go to get a variety of styles, sizes and colors for the bridesmaids that all match is David's Bridal.
We'll pause here and talk about David's Bridal. It's a GIANT store with hundreds and hundreds of dresses separated by style, color, length, and any other defining characteristic that makes deciding that much easier. Then, some genius said "60 dressing rooms should do it." Who in their right mind thinks it's okay to put 60 girls in a giant room with their accompanying brides and have them try on $160 dollar dresses they're going to special order to wear for 6 hours? If that doesn't make them all go nuts, wait until they find out they're going to be getting minimal attention from the style consultant (because she's also helping 3 other bridal parties), and they'll sharing a dressing room with one or two girls they might not know that well and have to reveal to everyone that they didn't lay off the extra serving of mashed potatoes and have to go up a size. No one wants to be the fat bridesmaid. Even if you're all tiny.
Bridesmaids dresses are tricky because as they tell you in gym in middle school to boost your self esteem, no two people are alike. So, unless you handpicked your bridesmaids to be 5'4, 120 pounds, size B boobs and tan then you're not, let me repeat, NOT going to find a dress that looks great on everyone in the color you've had picked out since the day he proposed. Kudos for trying, David's Bridal. Your 40 different styles are a step in the right direction but me and that cheerleader and that six-foot ex-volleyball player are not all going to look good in that bright orange tea-length number with the empire waist. Good job, good effort.
Traveling
I want to be at your special day. But if that requires me to buy a $500 flight and book a hotel that even with your blocked-rooms discount is $150 a night then you'll have to forgive me for being selective. No one is happier that it's the most important day in your life and that you're getting married somewhere across the country that lines up with your perfect vision of the perfect wedding but I'm on a budget. And I have other trips I want to take in my 20's that don't involve spending 8 hours with 80 people I don't know.
Fortunately, I've only had a handful of weddings that I haven't been in a city where I knew someone and could crash on their couch. Just a friendly tip if you're planning a wedding: unless it's specifically a destination wedding meant to discourage unwanted family members and I'm gonna spend my down time on some exotic beach with an umbrella drink, keep it close to home. If I do have to travel, my gift to you is my presence and my commitment to giving it my all during the bouquet toss (as long as you don't play Single Ladies. Be a little more creative.)
Gifts
So let me get this straight, you want me to come to your 1. bridal shower 2. second bridal shower for college friends only 3. lingerie themed bachelorette party and 4. the wedding. Oh, and your book of wedding etiquette says I'm supposed to bring a gift to all of them AND help front the funds for food, alcohol, lodging, transportation, and invitations for at least one of those events? Right. So the $200 I'm spending on a dress and shoes so your wedding pictures look uniformed is not enough to show my undying love for you and your big day. I'll be at Bed, Bath and Beyond printing off registries if anyone needs me.
Open Bars
You're not having one? That's fine. We can work around that. Let's put our heads together and brainstorm ways I can get drunk before the reception or sneak alcohol in because there is no way in hell I'm doing any wedding duty sober that comes after you've exchanged rings. I hear they have really creative ways to conceal flasks these days. Also now would be an appropriate time for a shout out to the designers that put pockets in dress. You're the reason I keep doing this.
Plus Ones
There's some etiquette rule out there that says if you're not "dating, engaged, living together, or in a committed relationship" then you don't get a plus one. And this rule is bullshit. Mostly because none of those etiquette stipulations apply to me. There are very few things I like to do alone and going to weddings is not one of them. I'm sorry that you have to pay "...$100 for (insert date's name here) to eat..." but I have a list of guy friends that would be both entertaining and well-behaved at a wedding and in most cases, they're more fun than the loser your roommate from freshman year has been dating on and off for 6 months. If you're going to ask your friend to be in your wedding, at least give her someone that can join in either a) laughing hysterically at your dad's dance moves or b) doing the wobble while balancing a cupcake and a glass of red house wine. If nothing else, that plus one can be tasked with making sure my hand is never without a beverage. Drunk bridesmaids are happy bridesmaids.
Nosey Wedding Guests
This is by far my favorite. "Are you seeing anyone?" "Who is this guy you brought with you. Are ya'll dating?" "How do you feel that your little sister is tying the knot before you?" "Don't you want a man in your life, someone you can trust and rely on?"
Well I'll tell you how I feel about all of those questions: not a damn thing and no, it doesn't make me want to run home immediately and fill out my online dating profile. The best part about these questions is they're not only at weddings. I hear them at family functions, holidays, any time I go home, drinks with friends I haven't seen in a while, and when I casually mention to not-so-close coworkers that my "little sister got married last weekend." The reason this "wedding-ism" is one of my favorites is because I've turned it into somewhat of a game. I'm calling it "How long can I go answering these types of questions in the most creative way possible." (We'll work on the title.) To show you how it works, here's some I've used myself or stolen from popular movies and sitcoms when faced with these types of nosey family members:
"I'm not ready to stop sleeping with strangers I've met in bars"
"I want to finish all four seasons of Downton Abby on Netflix before I fully commit to another person."
"I don't like splitting bottles of wine with people."
"Actually, I'm flying to eight different states at some point during this year and don't feel like justifying that to anyone but myself."
So no, Cousin Susie who I haven't seen in years and I'm still not sure how we're related, marriage isn't on my radar. It's not even in that 5-year plan that my career adviser made me map out in college. I have more important things to do right now. Like visit the network of friends I've stretched across the country and go see a concert at every musical venue in Charlotte. And sure, one day I will find some that I love and trust but for now, I can check the oil in my car and change a tire and hang a picture pretty straight so unless this mystery guy can cook and feels like joining me on the couch for season 2 of "Orange is the New Black" then I'm not interested. The guy I brought with me to the wedding? He's actually going to get me a drink because I'll need another one before I attempt to go visit the rest of my family at table 8.
---
Despite my angry take on some pretty basic events, I love weddings. I love being around a ton of people that I know and love. I love getting dressed up, drinking free alcohol and dancing like I'm never gonna hear music again. I love the father-daughter dance and when the bride and groom smash cake into each other's faces. And I love watching two people commit to a lifetime of love, happiness and joint bank accounts. I also know that when a future bride asks you to be in her wedding, you don't say no. All of my negative thoughts about wedding season are driven by an industry that says "this is how it's done." I think people are held to a bunch of rules and norms that are out of date, arbitrary, and give them an excuse to say "I'm gonna do it this way" when they know deep down it's not really the right thing to do and the people closest to them feel the effects of it.
The good news is is that I'm out of sisters. The bad news is the second wave of friends are starting to get engaged or have entered into pretty serious relationships. More good news: I'm in a much better place financially and emotionally; so much so that when two of my better friends from Virginia asked me to be in their weddings this past year, I didn't even hesitate or complain about it to other people every time I had to book a flight or buy a dress. The slew of weddings I had right after college where I was broke and trying to figure out life on my own is a two-year blurry stretch of chiffon and cheap red wine and I wouldn't have traded any of it. I'm up to 23 weddings total, 7 that I've been in with one more MOH role on the horizon. I still avoid those guests that say things like "you're next!" or weddings where I have to confront people from my past I was sure I would never have see again.
Many bloggers and fashion magazines have said this is the year of minimalist weddings and people straying away from the Emily Post formal affairs that have gold leaf invitations and 4 forks that never get used correctly (Where is my tiny cake for my tiny fork?!). Fingers crossed - we might actually be witnessing the changing of the wedding industry.
A girl can dream, right?
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
30 Before 30 - A Revisit of Sorts
It's been almost a year since I compiled this list and thought it would be a tad bit motivating to revisit it and give some updates. So...here goes.
- Learn to play guitar - it's ridiculous that I have the music background that I have and have never learned. Update: Learned 2 chords? That counts right? We'll call this one "in progress"
- Take a spontaneous trip - no plans, to itineraries.
- Do one thing that absoultely terrifies me - vague, but necessary.
- Present at a conference - yay professional development!
- Run a 10K - we'll probably start with a 5K here
- Buy a House
- Learn to meditate - I've heard good things. Figured I would give it a shot.
Blog More - Check! (Doing that RIGHT NOW)- Write a book Update Halfway there. May turn it into a blog instead?
- Buy a house
- Skydive/bungee jump
- Manage debt - Going into my 30's debt free, ya'll Calling this one "in progress" too.
- Set up emergency savings fund - yay more adult things!
- Meet an elephant
- Habitat For Humanity build
- Start a garden - might have to wait for #6
Hike in NC - Really. I've lived here 3 years already. Check! Completed a three mile hike up in Troutman buuttt there's lots more places I want to try.Go to the movies by myself- honestly never done this. I'm terrified of it. CHECK! Super proud of this one. Went to see Jungle Book one random Friday I had off and it was awesome - the movie and the experience.- Go camping
- Take a cooking class
- Unplug from my phone for a whole weekend - <cries uncontrollably the whole time>
- Snorkeling/Scuba diving
- Swim in a waterfall
- Get a tattoo - directly related to #14
- Get something published
Embrace Vegetables - <shudder>Check! I actually like cooked broccoli. Who knew?!Bristol Rhythm and Roots Reunion -a three day, boot stompin', real country music festival in Bristol Tennessee/Virginia. Check! Easily one of the best music festivals I've ever been to.Watch Star Wars start to finish- True Life: I have never seen any of them.Check! I watched all of them in a week to prepare for Episode 7. Can't say I hated it.- Put a secret in a PostSecret book in a bookstore - I found one in my book a few years ago. Time to return the favor.
- Visit 2 more states - may just get in the car and drive for this one. Update: Iowa in August and then...? Hopefully traveling somewhere fun next year :D
6 Down...a bunch in progress and a year and a half to go. Stay Tuned!
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
30 Before 30
I was talking to a friend the other day who is turning 30 in a few months. I've never really latched onto ages, or been defined by the way I'm supposed to behave or certain goals I'm supposed to accomplish because I'm a "certain age." But she was stressing because she felt like she had done SO much in her 20s but really wanted to roll (run?) into her 30s knowing she had done everything she wanted. No regrets. And it got me thinking about how I could really maximize these last few years of my 20s.
Everyone needs a little motivation to learn new things, be a better person, or check some things off a bucket list. And what better motivator than time? I'll be 30 in roughly two in a half years and now seemed like a more than reasonable time to start working on my 30 before 30 list. I have no idea if it's even possible to do all of this in less than 3 years. I mean, things could seriously come up out of no where. However, checking off a few of these seems like a step in the right direction to say farewell to my 20s and embrace my 30s with open arms.
So without further ado, the list:
Everyone needs a little motivation to learn new things, be a better person, or check some things off a bucket list. And what better motivator than time? I'll be 30 in roughly two in a half years and now seemed like a more than reasonable time to start working on my 30 before 30 list. I have no idea if it's even possible to do all of this in less than 3 years. I mean, things could seriously come up out of no where. However, checking off a few of these seems like a step in the right direction to say farewell to my 20s and embrace my 30s with open arms.
So without further ado, the list:
- Learn to play guitar - it's ridiculous that I have the music background that I have and have never learned.
- Take a spontaneous trip - no plans, to itineraries.
- Do one thing that absoultely terrifies me - vague, but necessary.
- Present at a conference - yay professional development!
- Run a 10K - we'll probably start with a 5K here
- Buy a House
- Learn to meditate - I've heard good things. Figured I would give it a shot.
- Blog More - Check! (Doing that RIGHT NOW)
- Write a book
- Buy a gun
- Skydive/bungee jump
- Manage debt - Going into my 30's debt free, ya'll
- Set up emergency savings fund - yay more adult things!
- Meet an elephant
- Habitat For Humanity build
- Start a garden - might have to wait for #6
- Hike in NC - Really. I've lived here 3 years already.
- Go to the movies by myself - honestly never done this. I'm terrified of it.
- Go camping
- Take a cooking class
- Unplug from my phone for a whole weekend - <cries uncontrollably the whole time>
- Snorkeling/Scuba diving
- Swim in a waterfall
- Get a tattoo - directly related to #14
- Get something published
- Embrace Vegetables - <shudder>
- Bristol Rhythm and Roots Reunion - a three day, boot stompin', real country music festival in Bristol Tennessee/Virginia.
- Watch Star Wars start to finish - True Life: I have never seen any of them
- Put a secret in a PostSecret book in a bookstore - I found one in my book a few years ago. Time to return the favor.
- Visit 2 more states - may just get in the car and drive for this one.
Random? Yes. Doable? Probably. Excited? Ridiculously. I'm not terrified of my 30s. In fact, I've honestly only heard good things thus far from those that are a little head of the game. But I will, without a doubt, be sending my 20s out with a bang.
Fingers Crossed (and crossing off #8) - hoping to keep track of some of the adventures here. Wish me luck!
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Game Day Decision
I get a significant amount of crap for my choice in
professional sports teams. Constantly
defending my decisions to like one team over the other as well my decision to
cheer for the home team when I go to a game that I have no personal stake in. My
Big 4, football, baseball, basketball, hockey, are all in different cities. To break it down:
Football: I’m an
Eagles fan but cheer for the Panthers 364 days a year. This year being the only
time I’ve had to pick between the two since I moved here.
Baseball: I cheer
for the O’s but appreciate the fact that the Nats weren’t around during my
childhood and now they are at the same time supporting the Charlotte Knights
that feed into the White Sox network.
Basketball:
Though I’ve never been deeply invested in the sport I found myself watching and
cheering for the Bobcats (Hornets) when I moved here but follow the Warriors
more on social media and can probably name more of their players do to a random
six-degrees connection to one of their players.
Hockey: Washington
is technically my home team and I’m happy to say out of the four, that’s the
only one that’s really uncontested.
I would like to pretend it’s strictly a professional sports,
but I’ve been exposed to quite a few different college sporting events since moving
here, too. On the shelf next to my 6 years worth of free I Bleed Purple
t-shirts are shirts from Davidson College, NC State, Carolina, Virginia and I’m
almost sad to admit it, but in about two weeks I’ll own a yellow Appalachian
State shirt for a game I begrudgingly agreed to go in a month.
Mixed up? Maybe. And it should also come as no shock that I
regularly have to defend my choices as well explain the collection of sports
apparel that covers professional and college teams all up and down the East Coast
and one basketball team in San Francisco. My favorite is trying to convince
someone that I have a valid reason to be passionate about a team from a city I’ve
never lived in and have no logical connection to. A close second favorite is
explaining why I live in Charlotte, own 6 Panther’s t-shirts and hats and will
still cheer for the Eagles on November 10th this year.
At the end of the day and to explain it in its most
simplified form, I just love sports. I love having something to cheer for, to
be passionate about, and to be a part of a community that comes together for a
common reason. It’s refreshing to see 60,000 people all wearing the same color,
cheering for the same thing amongst the conflict that plagues everyday life. And if that means that every Sunday I put on
black and blue to tailgate in uptown Charlotte while checking the Eagles score
on my phone to be a part of that particular community, then so be it. (I also
refuse to be one of those people who shows up to a game wearing a jersey from a
team that isn’t even playing on the same coast.)
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Confessions of an Extrovert
My sophomore year of college and again during my first semester of grad school, I was given the opportunity to take the Myers-Briggs personality test. I say "opportunity" because it's not something you can just find online and it's usually part of some team building activity in offices and HR interventions. Without going into too much detail, you answer a bunch of behavioral questions, it gives you four letters which are called your "personality"type, and then you read an accompanying page of info about the type that has some insight into your personality traits. Both times I took it, it has been spot on. But surprisingly enough, I changed in between the two tests. One thing that didn't change was that I was off the charts, as high as I could possibly be, an extrovert.
Contrary to social norms, extrovert doesn't necessarily mean I'm extremely outgoing (though that's true) and introvert doesn't mean you hide in a corner at parties (though that is sometimes also true). Nor are the words "extrovert" and "social" interchangeable. It just means I get my energy from being around other people whereas introverts get their energy from internal sources. I would rather go to a party and be constantly surrounding by others, introverts tend to have to work up to that point. The first time I took the test, my team of 15 was pretty split down the middle on who identified with each of these traits. The second time I took the test, the three people I worked closely with all identified as introverts. Did we get along? Absolutely. We just had different ways of handling situations and social settings.
There's a lot of things I LOVE about being an extrovert but often I'm questioned about why I do certain things and often I'm asked something along the lines of "what part about that is fun?" I don't feel like I need to justify my need for excessive use of social media or my need to be near other living, breathing, talking humans at all times but more like explain some of my favorite qualities that have the ability to drive some people nuts.
Things About My Personality That Are Directly Related To My Off-The-Charts Extrovert Reading
Contrary to social norms, extrovert doesn't necessarily mean I'm extremely outgoing (though that's true) and introvert doesn't mean you hide in a corner at parties (though that is sometimes also true). Nor are the words "extrovert" and "social" interchangeable. It just means I get my energy from being around other people whereas introverts get their energy from internal sources. I would rather go to a party and be constantly surrounding by others, introverts tend to have to work up to that point. The first time I took the test, my team of 15 was pretty split down the middle on who identified with each of these traits. The second time I took the test, the three people I worked closely with all identified as introverts. Did we get along? Absolutely. We just had different ways of handling situations and social settings.
There's a lot of things I LOVE about being an extrovert but often I'm questioned about why I do certain things and often I'm asked something along the lines of "what part about that is fun?" I don't feel like I need to justify my need for excessive use of social media or my need to be near other living, breathing, talking humans at all times but more like explain some of my favorite qualities that have the ability to drive some people nuts.
Things About My Personality That Are Directly Related To My Off-The-Charts Extrovert Reading
- I will do what it takes to be around people. I have been known to neglect other "non-important" things if it means I'm hanging out with people I like. Some of these things may include: sleeping, eating, cleaning, gas, laundry, dishes, budgets, and anything else that can wait another day or be readjusted to fit an activity.
- I will get upset if I miss a social event. I've driven over night, spent money I don't have, taken time off of work and crashed on friends' couches to make sure I'm there when something is going on. If for whatever reason, I can't be there, I cut my losses and hope whatever I've decided to do instead is equally as fun and that I take much better pictures than I would have at the other event.
- I will make small talk with strangers. I can and will find something to talk to anyone about. And in all honesty, some of those conversations turn out to be some of my best stories.
- I will check my phone every five minutes. It makes all my friends and most of my coworkers just thrilled to hang out or go to lunch with me. I know half of this is related to my Generation-Y characteristics and the fact that information is readily available, but I'm also blaming the fact that I have this subconscious need to be connected to everyone all the time.
- I will Instagram, Tweet, and Facebook anything that's worthy of the thumb movement. The people in my life need to know what I'm doing it. That means using social media to its full potential.
- I will always be a people pleaser. I'm at my best when I'm around people and I'm even better when all of those people are getting along and having a good time. To do that, I go out of my way to make everyone happy, even when they're not in my immediate calendar. Need a ride somewhere? I'm not busy. Want me to do a freelance project pro-bono? Sure! I could use the experience. Want me to get there an hour early and get everything set up? Yeah, no problem. I only need 4 hours of sleep, anyways.
- I will take time out of my day to have a conversation with a coworker. I will also add that I won't work at a job where I am completely autonomous and will take a walk to talk to someone rather than send an email. Not only do I personally enjoy it, but it makes the day go faster and builds relationships. Yay networking!
- I will make phone calls on long road trips. Trips in the car are WAY too much time to myself. My head wanders, my thoughts go crazy, and a well-sculpted playlist is only good for about 2 hours. I will make phone calls and am grateful that my sister and a few random friends can usually be counted on for entertainment. Texting a driving is illegal, kids. Don't use that as a form of distraction while driving.
- I will never know the meaning of excessive alone time. This is only half true. I do enjoy the occasional hour by myself but during that time, I'm well connected via my phone, TV and lap top. Rarely do I shut the world out and spend time with literally just myself...and my cute dog.
- I will take my relationships very seriously. My relationships mean the world to me and sometimes, a little sacrifice on my end (if it means avoiding a fight or saving us both from a heated conversation) is well worth it. While this directly relates to the "people pleaser" thing, I do go out of my way to make sure my relationships are safe and for the most part, healthy. It takes me a lot less work emotionally to forgive and forget than it does for me to hold a grudge and drag something out. It takes a lot for me to actually phase someone out but catch me on a bad day and I'll probably just not talk to you for a while.
I know there's a lot of other elements to the Myers-Briggs personality types but in that 4 year gap of taking it two different times, my extrovert score didn't change. I was equally as extroverted as a First Year Graduate Assistant as I was as a Sophomore RA in Eagle Hall. When you take the test, you get matched up with a celebrity and my well-known person with a similar personality was...wait for it...Snoopy! That should come as no surprise to anyone who has been in my apartment or knows about my (not in the foreseeable) future tattoo plans. Snoopy and I have the same personality type and while I always loved him, this little revelation just sealed the deal.
To be honest, I'm not hiding behind the test to explain my social behavior nor am I completely discrediting the validity of being defined by a certain set of characteristics. But recently, since my life has belonged to everyone but me and I continue to move forward at a blistering speed, I felt it necessary to blame my extroverted-ness for something. I do embody almost all of the traits my one-page description outlined for me and while it just confirmed some things I already knew, it did give me some insight into how I deal with situations, conflicts and other people. If nothing else, it's an external look at how to maybe improve. For now, I'll just continue running around from event to event, planning activities with other people, and documenting it all on social media.
-------------------------
If you'd like to learn more about Myers-Briggs, you can click here. If you have never taken the test, I highly recommend you do if ever given the chance. If nothing else, you can learn what kinds of people to avoid.
Monday, June 10, 2013
A Good Place To Live
I don't know what I expected when I planned a weekend in Bristol but whatever those expectations were, they were more than met and it's a weekend I would repeat 10 times. It was definitely different than my typical "get crazy" weekend in Charlotte but I loved every minute of it.
I've known Jenna for 8 months if you don't count the 7 years I "knew" her when we were at JMU. Since we reunited, I've been talking about going to Bristol to watch her race. For about 8 years she's been driving every make and model of race car in this grass roots (as her dad put it) racing league. A lot of her races are near her home but she's traveled all over the place to race. To top it off, she works for NASCAR, is completely submerged in the auto racing industry and is constantly pointing out my lack of knowledge of the culture.
So Megan and I finally committed and made plans to go to Bristol for the weekend. We got up early Saturday to make the 3-hour trip stopping every hour for the bathroom and being utterly floored by our first stop. The bathroom had a sign in it that said "Please don't flush paper down the toilet." (Just let that sink in for a minute). Then we're pretty sure the two guys at the counter stole the debit card they were using, and the guy at the coffee counter walked out on his cup of decaf when the attendant told him she didn't have any sugar packets. (Really!? Not sure if I'm more shocked that he needs sugar that much or that the store didn't have any in stock). Meanwhile, in the parking lot, a woman had driven her tractor to the station to get gas. Seeing as there wasn't a house within a mile of the gas station, we're pretty sure she was going to have to use all of the gas she'd just bought to get home.
About halfway through our trip, Jenna texts us to ask what our plans are. Uhm, call us crazy but weren't we going to see her? Shouldn't she have a plan for us? She was headed to the track already and gave us a list of restaurants to try in downtown Bristol and told us to kill some time. So we embarked on a self-guided tour of Bristol complete with antiquing and a trip to the giant sign. For those who don't know, Bristol is on the state line between Tennessee and Virginia. On one side of the street, you're in Bristol, Tennessee and on the other side, you're in Bristol, Virginia. We got a kick out of being in two places at once and joining in on the town joke that the sign says it's a good (not great) place to live.
A quick trip to Wal-Mart proved to be an adventure in itself. The shelves were lined with NASCAR gear and Duck Dynasty paraphernalia and we made out with some funky shirts and duct tape to make shirts for Jenna's race. We eventually made it to her house where we met up with her mom. At this point, we'd been in Bristol for 4 hours, toured downtown, gone to Wal-Mart, met her mom, saw her childhood bedroom and still hadn't actually seen Jenna. She called to check-in and make sure we got there okay and said she'd see us at the race.
We hopped in the car to make the hour-long trek to the race track. The way Jenna talks about her mom, I feel like I've known her forever. It turns out Jenna tells her mom and us all the same things so we were able to bond over those stories on the trip. As we drove through, her mom told us stories about how they used to live at the track and how one adventure to a drive-in took an unexpected turn. It was an easy conversation which helped considering there were only miles and miles of trees and mountains to look at (not complaining, it was gorgeous).
We made it to the track watched Jenna qualify and she came up to say hi (first Jenna sighting since we arrived). Much like minor league baseball, grass roots racing has a lot of bells and whistles that accompany the races: introductions, talking to the racers, and a few games to make it a little interesting. We watched a few of the other classes of race cars and Jenna completed her first race.
As the sun started going down, things started getting interesting. I grew up close to the country so I'm not unfamiliar with country folk. Southwest Virginians, however, need their own introduction. Jenna has somewhat of a southern accent but I was more or less floored by some of the accents during the interviews they conducted. There were families and firends sitting in groups cheering for certain drivers and getting feisty during cautions and accidents. At one point, I thought there was going to be an all out family vs. family brawl after one driver spun out another. There was a mom cheering on her son so vigorously that she had to take puffs off of her inhaler in between laps just to keep it up and one driver had cut off his racing suit and his black and red heart boxers were showing out of the bottom. At the end of the night, we sliced up a watermelon right in the infield and had a little "treat" as they put it.
We headed back to the house where Jenna's mom laid out a full-blown spread of meats, cheeses, chicken salad, pasta salad and chips that would have been fit for any family BBQ. Jenna showed up about an hour later and we were able to hang out before we ALL passed out after the excitement from the day. They took us to lunch Sunday where I was blessed with soft pretzels and a beer cheese dip that is worth the trip back in itself.
I feel like you learn a lot about someone when you visit their hometown and while I knew a lot about Jenna going into it, nothing could have prepared me for the excitement at the track. The contrast between Jenna and her relaxed parents and the families coming out in broods of 10+ was startling. They take this racing very seriously and had there been no cars actually driving around the track, it would have been equally as entertaining. I'm sure they would come to my hometown and judge every thing about it so I don't feel the least bit guilty pointing this out. Different strokes for different folks and all.
I'm not a newcomer to auto racing having seen a ton of races in Richmond growing up but I recently rekindled my love for the sport when NASCAR was here in Charlotte a few weeks ago. I don't know where Saturday night short track racing has been all my life but it will definitely be a permanent fixture from here on out. I already made plans with my dad to go to Winston-Salem and he's taking me to Richmond on my next trip home.
If nothing else, I had a relaxing, entertaining, and enlightening weekend. I got to hang out with some pretty awesome people and witness Jenna in her natural habitat. Should we make another trip to Bristol (and we will), I challenge it to be half as exciting as it was this time. Who knows, maybe I'll learn what it really means to be an "Appalachian American."
I've known Jenna for 8 months if you don't count the 7 years I "knew" her when we were at JMU. Since we reunited, I've been talking about going to Bristol to watch her race. For about 8 years she's been driving every make and model of race car in this grass roots (as her dad put it) racing league. A lot of her races are near her home but she's traveled all over the place to race. To top it off, she works for NASCAR, is completely submerged in the auto racing industry and is constantly pointing out my lack of knowledge of the culture.
So Megan and I finally committed and made plans to go to Bristol for the weekend. We got up early Saturday to make the 3-hour trip stopping every hour for the bathroom and being utterly floored by our first stop. The bathroom had a sign in it that said "Please don't flush paper down the toilet." (Just let that sink in for a minute). Then we're pretty sure the two guys at the counter stole the debit card they were using, and the guy at the coffee counter walked out on his cup of decaf when the attendant told him she didn't have any sugar packets. (Really!? Not sure if I'm more shocked that he needs sugar that much or that the store didn't have any in stock). Meanwhile, in the parking lot, a woman had driven her tractor to the station to get gas. Seeing as there wasn't a house within a mile of the gas station, we're pretty sure she was going to have to use all of the gas she'd just bought to get home.
About halfway through our trip, Jenna texts us to ask what our plans are. Uhm, call us crazy but weren't we going to see her? Shouldn't she have a plan for us? She was headed to the track already and gave us a list of restaurants to try in downtown Bristol and told us to kill some time. So we embarked on a self-guided tour of Bristol complete with antiquing and a trip to the giant sign. For those who don't know, Bristol is on the state line between Tennessee and Virginia. On one side of the street, you're in Bristol, Tennessee and on the other side, you're in Bristol, Virginia. We got a kick out of being in two places at once and joining in on the town joke that the sign says it's a good (not great) place to live.
Doing a little antiquing on the VA side!
A quick trip to Wal-Mart proved to be an adventure in itself. The shelves were lined with NASCAR gear and Duck Dynasty paraphernalia and we made out with some funky shirts and duct tape to make shirts for Jenna's race. We eventually made it to her house where we met up with her mom. At this point, we'd been in Bristol for 4 hours, toured downtown, gone to Wal-Mart, met her mom, saw her childhood bedroom and still hadn't actually seen Jenna. She called to check-in and make sure we got there okay and said she'd see us at the race.
We hopped in the car to make the hour-long trek to the race track. The way Jenna talks about her mom, I feel like I've known her forever. It turns out Jenna tells her mom and us all the same things so we were able to bond over those stories on the trip. As we drove through, her mom told us stories about how they used to live at the track and how one adventure to a drive-in took an unexpected turn. It was an easy conversation which helped considering there were only miles and miles of trees and mountains to look at (not complaining, it was gorgeous).
We made it to the track watched Jenna qualify and she came up to say hi (first Jenna sighting since we arrived). Much like minor league baseball, grass roots racing has a lot of bells and whistles that accompany the races: introductions, talking to the racers, and a few games to make it a little interesting. We watched a few of the other classes of race cars and Jenna completed her first race.
The track :)
As the sun started going down, things started getting interesting. I grew up close to the country so I'm not unfamiliar with country folk. Southwest Virginians, however, need their own introduction. Jenna has somewhat of a southern accent but I was more or less floored by some of the accents during the interviews they conducted. There were families and firends sitting in groups cheering for certain drivers and getting feisty during cautions and accidents. At one point, I thought there was going to be an all out family vs. family brawl after one driver spun out another. There was a mom cheering on her son so vigorously that she had to take puffs off of her inhaler in between laps just to keep it up and one driver had cut off his racing suit and his black and red heart boxers were showing out of the bottom. At the end of the night, we sliced up a watermelon right in the infield and had a little "treat" as they put it.
We headed back to the house where Jenna's mom laid out a full-blown spread of meats, cheeses, chicken salad, pasta salad and chips that would have been fit for any family BBQ. Jenna showed up about an hour later and we were able to hang out before we ALL passed out after the excitement from the day. They took us to lunch Sunday where I was blessed with soft pretzels and a beer cheese dip that is worth the trip back in itself.
I feel like you learn a lot about someone when you visit their hometown and while I knew a lot about Jenna going into it, nothing could have prepared me for the excitement at the track. The contrast between Jenna and her relaxed parents and the families coming out in broods of 10+ was startling. They take this racing very seriously and had there been no cars actually driving around the track, it would have been equally as entertaining. I'm sure they would come to my hometown and judge every thing about it so I don't feel the least bit guilty pointing this out. Different strokes for different folks and all.
I'm not a newcomer to auto racing having seen a ton of races in Richmond growing up but I recently rekindled my love for the sport when NASCAR was here in Charlotte a few weeks ago. I don't know where Saturday night short track racing has been all my life but it will definitely be a permanent fixture from here on out. I already made plans with my dad to go to Winston-Salem and he's taking me to Richmond on my next trip home.
The Bristol sign lit up at night :)
If nothing else, I had a relaxing, entertaining, and enlightening weekend. I got to hang out with some pretty awesome people and witness Jenna in her natural habitat. Should we make another trip to Bristol (and we will), I challenge it to be half as exciting as it was this time. Who knows, maybe I'll learn what it really means to be an "Appalachian American."
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Middle Child Syndrome
It's a real thing.
My "diagnosis" with the "disease" has always been more of a joke. I'm the middle of three girls: 7 years younger than my older sister and 18 months older than the baby. We had a jokes growing up about it; random "pick on Christy" marathons where they ganged up on me and pointed out every little thing I said. We're all a lot alike but also very different so we all found our own hobbies, our own niches, and our own groove. It wasn't until a recent conversation with a friend about my so called "disease" that I decided to look into it a little more.
So, being the researcher that I am, I googled it. And came across an entire community of research, blogs, family planners and message boards, all about middle child syndrome. So yes, it is a real thing, and yes, I do have it. And yes, this discovery has been the highlight of my week. I know things like this (horoscopes, abstract concepts, etc.) tend to be vague so people can draw their own conclusions about their own lives. And naturally, I found research that I agreed with and some I didn't.
Seeing as this is a happy discovery, I'm gonna focus on the positive first. I learned in this research that middle children learn early on to speak up and stand out to get the attention they're often denied. They tend to be more flexible and aren't often thrown off when things don't go their way. They thrive in spontaneous situations and find planning and organizing somewhat of a burden. They build strong relationships and hold them closely. They have a hard time making decisions and when they do, the decisions are usually rash and not well thought out. But when they do make these bad decisions, they are great at the aftermath and can usually handle it quickly and painlessly. I think it's safe to say that I exhibit most if not all of these behaviors.
There's definitely some negative connotations to this syndrome and probably explains why we all get such a bad name. A lot of research says we're co-dependent and have low-self esteem because we didn't get a lot of attention growing up. It also says middle children are constantly seeking their parents approval and looking for attention whether that be in a negative or positive way. This low-self esteem and feeling of inadequacy can often keep them from pursuing what they want. Clearly, none of these things apply to me. However, if I have an identity crisis at some point in my life (which happens often) we know it's a direct result of my being the second child.
One of the bigger pieces and something I saw frequently was that middle children are often defined by their older sibling and overshadowed by the younger sibling. The older sibling gets to do everything first. And the younger sibling is, well, the baby. And while I spent a lot of my childhood as "Betsy's sister" I don't ever feel like I was forced to be defined by her. In fact, I wanted to be just like her. And there's some things about her I still wish I could steal. On the other end, my little sister and me are so close in age that we shared almost everything. We got phones at the same time, had the same rules and curfews, sometimes even had matching outfits, and now we share a pretty diverse circle of friends.
I made a joke the other day about how I've embraced my middle child syndrome, but I'm starting to believe that holds a little more truth that I initially intended. Some of the middle child qualities I identify with have landed me in a new state with new friends and a plethora of new experiences that make me step outside my box. My older sister got to have the first kid and my little sister is having a big, fancy wedding, so there's no pressure on me for grandchildren or to settle down too quick. I get to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on because I've had so much experience making similar mistakes when I was growing up and no one is really paying attention to me (sidenote: this is joke. My parents love us all equally). I'm not saying that I'm stomping on the floor throwing a tantrum because no one is paying attention to me, but I do recognize that I'm a little different than the two of them and have quite a few qualities that make me question how the three of us ever survived 18 years in the same house.
Don't get me wrong, I love being in the middle. I get to be both a big sister and a little sister at the same time. I get to learn from my older sister's mistakes and try not to make mistakes that affect the younger one. I honestly don't think my parents "ignored" me and I don't think they played favorites, (like so many middle children claim) but I am grateful that I had a little room to stretch my wings and no one has faulted me for the quirky, creative, sometimes reckless behavior that I exhibit everyday. Whether that behavior is a direct result of me identifying as a middle child or not, it's safe to say that being stuck in the middle has had some kind of impact on my personality. And if I have to live in the shadow of an older sibling and fight for attention with the other, I couldn't think of two other people who know exactly how and when to put me in my place: right smack dab in the middle. Afterall, isn't the middle section the best part of an oreo?
My "diagnosis" with the "disease" has always been more of a joke. I'm the middle of three girls: 7 years younger than my older sister and 18 months older than the baby. We had a jokes growing up about it; random "pick on Christy" marathons where they ganged up on me and pointed out every little thing I said. We're all a lot alike but also very different so we all found our own hobbies, our own niches, and our own groove. It wasn't until a recent conversation with a friend about my so called "disease" that I decided to look into it a little more.
So, being the researcher that I am, I googled it. And came across an entire community of research, blogs, family planners and message boards, all about middle child syndrome. So yes, it is a real thing, and yes, I do have it. And yes, this discovery has been the highlight of my week. I know things like this (horoscopes, abstract concepts, etc.) tend to be vague so people can draw their own conclusions about their own lives. And naturally, I found research that I agreed with and some I didn't.
Seeing as this is a happy discovery, I'm gonna focus on the positive first. I learned in this research that middle children learn early on to speak up and stand out to get the attention they're often denied. They tend to be more flexible and aren't often thrown off when things don't go their way. They thrive in spontaneous situations and find planning and organizing somewhat of a burden. They build strong relationships and hold them closely. They have a hard time making decisions and when they do, the decisions are usually rash and not well thought out. But when they do make these bad decisions, they are great at the aftermath and can usually handle it quickly and painlessly. I think it's safe to say that I exhibit most if not all of these behaviors.
There's definitely some negative connotations to this syndrome and probably explains why we all get such a bad name. A lot of research says we're co-dependent and have low-self esteem because we didn't get a lot of attention growing up. It also says middle children are constantly seeking their parents approval and looking for attention whether that be in a negative or positive way. This low-self esteem and feeling of inadequacy can often keep them from pursuing what they want. Clearly, none of these things apply to me. However, if I have an identity crisis at some point in my life (which happens often) we know it's a direct result of my being the second child.
One of the bigger pieces and something I saw frequently was that middle children are often defined by their older sibling and overshadowed by the younger sibling. The older sibling gets to do everything first. And the younger sibling is, well, the baby. And while I spent a lot of my childhood as "Betsy's sister" I don't ever feel like I was forced to be defined by her. In fact, I wanted to be just like her. And there's some things about her I still wish I could steal. On the other end, my little sister and me are so close in age that we shared almost everything. We got phones at the same time, had the same rules and curfews, sometimes even had matching outfits, and now we share a pretty diverse circle of friends.
I made a joke the other day about how I've embraced my middle child syndrome, but I'm starting to believe that holds a little more truth that I initially intended. Some of the middle child qualities I identify with have landed me in a new state with new friends and a plethora of new experiences that make me step outside my box. My older sister got to have the first kid and my little sister is having a big, fancy wedding, so there's no pressure on me for grandchildren or to settle down too quick. I get to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on because I've had so much experience making similar mistakes when I was growing up and no one is really paying attention to me (sidenote: this is joke. My parents love us all equally). I'm not saying that I'm stomping on the floor throwing a tantrum because no one is paying attention to me, but I do recognize that I'm a little different than the two of them and have quite a few qualities that make me question how the three of us ever survived 18 years in the same house.
Don't get me wrong, I love being in the middle. I get to be both a big sister and a little sister at the same time. I get to learn from my older sister's mistakes and try not to make mistakes that affect the younger one. I honestly don't think my parents "ignored" me and I don't think they played favorites, (like so many middle children claim) but I am grateful that I had a little room to stretch my wings and no one has faulted me for the quirky, creative, sometimes reckless behavior that I exhibit everyday. Whether that behavior is a direct result of me identifying as a middle child or not, it's safe to say that being stuck in the middle has had some kind of impact on my personality. And if I have to live in the shadow of an older sibling and fight for attention with the other, I couldn't think of two other people who know exactly how and when to put me in my place: right smack dab in the middle. Afterall, isn't the middle section the best part of an oreo?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)